2/11/17. The post where I become a member of a club I never asked to join.

2/11/17.  Yes, I am aware it’s been a long time since I posted.  Usually that means I am either feeling great and too busy to post or feeling too bad to post.  In this case, though, I just haven't been up to it.  But it's time, so here goes…and be prepared, because it will be a long one.

You may remember a post from approximately three years ago (March 28, 2014 for the detail-obsessed) where I posted about a frantic journey to get to the hospital to see my mom.  At the end of October 2016, I made a similar journey.  But this time, the story did not have a happy ending.  Those of you who have read since the beginning know that throughout my blogs, I have posted about Mom teaching me how to fight.  The last lesson she taught me was how to know when it it is time to quit fighting.

Within less than 48 hours of the initial call, I had become a member of the club that everyone joins eventually, but with few exceptions, no one ever asks to join. (I know in some cases people ask to join it.  Note to self: Google “Did Hitler have kids?”)  The last three and a half months have been both a whirlwind and an eternity.  As other members of the club have warned me, there have been good days and bad days. And terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days.  During this time, I have carefully avoided funerals. Until this week.

On Monday, I learned that someone who is a colleague and a good friend lost a parent unexpectedly.  Another member of the club.  And I knew it was time.  I went to the funeral, even though it meant a five hour drive each way.  And, you know what? I'm glad I did. It was meaningful to my friend and his family, and it gave me a little more closure. And it’s what Mom would have expected me to do. 

Am I still grieving? Sure. Am I still angry? Hell, yes. Am I still slightly lost? Absolutely.  Which means it's time to put on my big girl panties and reclaim my life.  I am my mother's daughter, after all, and as she taught me, it is nowhere near time to quit fighting.

Before my diagnosis, one of my favorite hobbies (besides cycling) was walking. (To those of you who tune in only for updates on my health status, you’re welcome.) 5K, 10K, hiking…anything to be outside and have some time alone away from my busy life. For the near future, no thanks to RSD, cycling is off the table as an option.  But as long as the battery holds out on HAL, I can walk like a boss. So I have worked up a plan to start doing charity walks again. 5K first, then 10K, then…who knows? I am hoping a half marathon is in my future. Probably followed by one of my trademark “perhaps I made a bad decision” posts.

I walked three miles this morning, with no apparent ill effect. (That is nearly a 5K, for those of you who are metrically challenged.) I wasn't happy with my finish time, but I can improve that with training.  Speaking of which, I have a training plan, and I bought a snazzy new pair of running shoes this afternoon.  So hang on, and keep your arms and legs inside the car at all times. I will keep you posted on my progress and my foot’s reaction. I still won't post every day, but I will try to be a little more regular about it. In the meantime, if you aren't yet a member of the club, be thankful and let your parents know you love them. If you are already a member, remember to keep fighting.