While it is obvious that HAL provides significant pain management benefits, it is not a cure, and my life continues to be unbalanced. One of the most confounding things about RSD is the unpredictability. You would think pain is pain, but that is not the case. There are infinite variations on pain, and RSD is determined to introduce me to all of them. In the beginning, each new variation would take my breath away and leave me curled up in a whimpering ball. But I am becoming a pro. My reaction these days is more like, "Huh. That's interesting. I've never felt that before." While I continue to walk across the parking lot in my 3-inch heels.
I had an experience like that this morning. I had just begun my two mile walk when I stepped on something on the sidewalk. Probably an acorn or a rock. No big deal. But a few minutes later, I got a sharp pain in the bottom of my foot, like I had stepped on a piece of glass. I felt certain that I had not stepped on a piece of glass. And certainly, a piece of glass had not gone through the sole of my tennis shoe. But still, it was hard to shake the feeling. And then, my sock started to feel wet. I know that unusual sweating is also a symptom of RSD. But it sure felt like I was bleeding.
This isn't my first rodeo, though. I was not going to stop and check my foot. I continued the rest of my walk, thinking, "I'm not bleeding. I'm not bleeding." But I was not entirely convinced. When I got home, I took off my shoe gingerly and looked at my foot. And sure enough, I was not bleeding. My sock was soaked and my foot was beet red, but I was not bleeding and I had not stepped on a piece of glass. I felt vindicated.
It made me stop and think, though. What happens some day when I actually do step on a piece of glass? Or break a metatarsal? Or set my foot on fire? I have no idea. Guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. In the meantime, I will appreciate my good fortune. And avoid playing chess with HAL.
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