8/28/14. The post where there's a short break in the action.

8/28/14: I have a short break in this action-packed week for a post, so I'll take advantage of it.  Yesterday morning started off okay for me - I was at about a 6.  My patient, long-suffering husband didn't start the day quite as well.  While he was not in too much pain, he slept very poorly and was still recovering from the anesthesia and pain medication. 

My office was technically closed for the day, but I decided to go in and get caught up on some work since I would be out on Friday for final gala preparations.  I got dressed and went through the now-familiar exercise of trying to find a pair of comfortable shoes.  After several strikeouts, I finally decided to wear some completely inappropriate shoes, because...screw it.  (And as my patient, long-suffering husband said, it's impossible to argue with that logic.)  If my "comfortable" shoes were going to cause just as much pain, I might as well wear something I would enjoy.  And I figured I'd take whatever shoes I was wearing off as soon as I sat down behind my desk anyway.  So I went to work in these:

The day went quickly.  After a full work day, I went to have my hair sassified, then went to my homeowner's association meeting, which was not as bad as I expected.  We ended the night by having a few friends over for a final blind taste test of the wines we were considering serving at the gala.  My foot was a red, swollen wreck by the end of the night, but I don't blame it on the shoes. At least not completely.

This morning came too early, but there was still much to be done, so no time to lie around.  I went to work for the last time until after Labor Day and this evening we will entertain some musicians who are in town to perform tomorrow evening at the gala.  My patient, long-suffering husband slept much better last night (maybe it was the late evening wine tasting?) and was a whirlwind of activity today.  I settled on flat sandals today and my foot has felt about the same as it did during the day yesterday with the higher heels.  Yes, I am still experimenting with, comparing, and contrasting shoe choices this close to my surgery.  It doesn't make any more sense to me than it does to you.

Tomorrow will be full of event preparations and, of course, the event itself.  I'll be back when I can to give a full rundown of the gala.  Until then, I hope everyone is looking forward to the holiday weekend.  Have fun and be safe.

8/26/14. The post where we enjoy the calm before the storm.

8/26/14: woke up on time this morning and got to do my walk.  I started the day at a 6 and the walk did not make it worse.  I made it to work on time and had a relatively normal work day.  Not that any day at my work place can be considered "normal".  I got to spend a little time on the phone with Mom  and she ate some potato chips while we were talking.  While that may not seem like anything important, I assure you it is epic and made me quite happy.  But don't get any big ideas - I don't want to hear any of the rest of you eating potato chips if we are on the phone.   

My patient, long-suffering husband continues to have ups and downs, but he is making good progress.  He worked a full day today and we converged on the house after work to enjoy one last quiet evening before things get crazy again.  The rest of the week will involve work, rehearsals, appointments, and meetings.  Oh, and hosting a fundraising gala.  Then family in town for the holiday weekend, a few more days of work and preparations, and my surgery.  Makes me tired just typing it.

My foot cooperated fairly well today and stayed in the 6-6.5 range all day.  Except for a brief period after my walk, the color was also normal.  Which allowed me to notice an ugly bruise on my big toe.  A few nights ago, I was moving an ottoman and scraped one of the legs across my big toe and down the inside of my foot.  It would have hurt in any circumstance, but I couldn't have come closer to the damaged nerve if I had tried, and the pain was blinding for several minutes.  My foot has been so red the last two days that I didn't even notice the green bruise.  But sure enough, there it is.  And it reminds me how strange this disorder is.  The bruise hurts when I touch it, but it is a completely different type of pain, the kind I remember feeling in the past but have forgotten about as I deal with the current issue.  I am incredibly curious as to whether/how the stimulator will affect everyday injuries and aches and pains in my right leg and foot.  Guess I'll find out soon enough.  

I expect to be able to post for the rest of the week, but it may be late and the content may be sparse.  But when I have more time to post, I suspect I will have lots to say.  For now, I will enjoy the last bit of quiet and I hope you do, too...

8/25/14. The post where it's a pretty good Monday.

8/25/14: Monday got off to a rough start.  I woke up in what I thought was the middle of the night.  We live very close to a freeway and when I listened, I realized there were entirely too many cars for it to be the middle of the night.  I looked over at the clock and shrieked, because it was 6:45am.  My alarm was set for 5:30am, just like it is every week day.  Unfortunately, due to user error, the volume was turned completely off on my phone, so the alarm had been silently trying to wake me up for an hour and 15 minutes.  The good news? I got some extra sleep.

I raced around getting ready and managed to be only 15 minutes late to work.  Of course, in order to do that, I missed my walk and I was already exhausted by the time I got to work.  Once I got to work, things began to look up.  I had a really good day at work and my foot stayed at about a 6 most of the day.  I had lunch with a niece I haven't seen in more than five years.  She has graduated from college recently and was in town interviewing for jobs.  What a wonderful place to be - young and full of energy, with an entire world open to you and endless possibilities.  I'm fairly certain I didn't fully appreciate that time in my life.  I hope she does.

My patient, long-suffering husband also had a better day.  He felt a lot better and worked almost a full day.  He is starting to look like himself again.  We made a nice, simple dinner at home and sat at the table like adults.  My foot got angry earlier than usual, but I made it through the evening.  I'm not sure how well I would be dealing with this if I didn't know help was on the way, and I'm glad I don't have to find out.  In the meantime, I'll just get up every morning and try to make it through the next 11 days.  And tomorrow I'll make sure the volume on my alarm is turned on.

8/24/14. The post where I make a selfish request.

8/24/14: my patient, long-suffering husband had a rougher night than I did.  Quitting your pain meds is not easy.  He's toughing it out and he's on the road to recovery.  I'm really proud of him.

Since he was still in recovery mode, he did not have to work this morning.  Ironically, I had to be at both services to sell tickets for a gala we are having on Friday for his music series, so the alarm still went off too early this morning.  Why are we having a gala on Friday, you ask?  Because we are crazy.  Also, because it is a non-profit and we need to raise money for the upcoming season.  The series doesn't know about our medical issues, nor does it care.  And the craziest part? He thinks he is going to perform Friday night.  Actually, the craziest part is that I am not stopping him.  I let him practice for 20 minutes today and he promised it felt okay.  

I spent most of the afternoon and evening cooking.  It is going to be a busy week and I wanted to have at least a few home-cooked items to get us through it. (Like chocolate chip cookies.  One of the four food groups.)  It kept me busy and kept my mind off my foot.  But by the end of the night, my foot would no longer be ignored.  If I were thinking about it, I would think it is getting worse.  But I'm not thinking about it.  All I am thinking about is the fact that in less than two weeks, I will have a magic remote control that makes it feel better.  

I have a selfish request for all of you.  At the end of this week, my wonderful, sweet, beautiful, amazing mom is having a CT scan and a PET scan to monitor her progress.  If things go well, she might be able to end her chemo early.  I would greatly appreciate any prayers, good thoughts, karma, or whatever else you can offer for good scan results and early discharge.  I won't even ask you to dump ice water on yourself.

8/23/14. The post where we do our best imitation of slugs.

8/23/14:  a Saturday with nothing on the calendar.  A very rare occurrence.  We decided to make the most of it by doing...nothing.  

I guess "nothing" isn't quite the right word for it.  We made blueberry pancakes.  We did some long overdue computer work for my patient, long-suffering husband's music series.  We took a nap.  We walked to the mailbox and back.  We watched a bike race and a baseball game.  A pretty good Saturday, actually.

It was about all we could manage.  My patient, long-suffering husband tapered off his pain medication today, so he was pretty sore and tired, and I spent another day in the 7-8 range.  I have officially reached the point where I no longer want to wear shoes.  Even flip-flops are incredibly uncomfortable.  Kind of ironic for someone who has a custom-built shoe storage wall and a commissioned painting of some of her favorite shoes.  But society has rules about shoes - no shirt, no shoes, no service, you know.  So I guess I'll keep wearing them, at least when I'm not at home.  And I hope that soon I'll enjoy it again.

8/22/14. The post where I leave the patient alone.

8/22/14: I woke up at a 7.5, which was still extremely unpleasant, but good enough to go back to work.  Before I left, I gave my patient, long-suffering husband a lecture about not overdoing it while I was gone, with specific instructions about forbidden activities, such as picking up things off the floor or practicing his instrument.  When I finished, he admitted to me that while I was in the shower the previous day, he snuck down into the music room to practice his instrument for a short period.  He assured me it didn't hurt and he didn't overdo it.  Sigh.  I'm not sure he's considered the fact that in less than two weeks the tables will be turned and I will follow his example.

I tried on about four pairs of shoes before finding one my foot could tolerate.  It didn't exactly match my outfit, but it was close enough for Casual Friday.  I took off my shoes as soon as I got behind my desk anyway.  I made it through the day and was down to a 7 by the time I got home.  I needn't have worried about my patient, long-suffering husband overdoing it.  He was pretty exhausted and was not up to very much activity during the day.

We had a nice evening.  We invited some good friends over to keep us company - the kind of friends where you feel comfortable putting out leftover snacks still in their plastic containers and receiving them in your pajama bottoms.  Everyone should have friends like that.  We had fun catching up on stories and watching a movie.  

Looking forward to a quiet weekend with very little on the calendar.  My foot is still hanging out in the 7-8 range and I fear the days of 3-5 are officially over until the surgery.  Less than two weeks to go.  I can make it...

8/21/14. The post where we recuperate.

8/21/14:  my patient, long-suffering husband was not feeling quite as chipper this morning, but still better than pre-surgery.  I was also not feeling quite as chipper this morning. And by "not feeling quite as chipper", I mean I was miserable.  My foot was at a 9 and the pain was crawling up my lower leg.  I couldn't bear to have anything touching my foot - not the sheets or a shoe or even the floor.  I quickly figured out that I wouldn't be going to work.  It was a long morning.  

After a few hours of awkwardly holding my foot off the side of the bed, I felt a little better and ventured downstairs to check on my patient, long-suffering husband.  Some nurse I turned out to be.  Fortunately, he hadn't met with any harm in my absence and we had a pretty quiet day of recuperation.  

We had one exciting event that broke up the afternoon.  Four police cars suddenly careened past our front window and down the street, screeching to a stop a few houses down.  I quickly made my way outside, because if there's anything four law enforcement officers with weapons need, it's a short girl wearing no shoes limping out to help them.  I got out just in time to see them disappear behind a house with their guns drawn.  Uh, oh!  

Within a few minutes, my patient, long-suffering husband was also outside, because if there's anything four law enforcement officers with weapons need more than a limping short girl wearing no shoes, it's a guy fresh out of surgery in pajamas and slippers.  We were a regular Dynamic Duo.  Coincidentally, two other neighbors happened to be driving down the street within a few minutes and stopped because the police cars were blocking the road.  One of them got out of her car just as the officers came back around the corner.  Turns out it was a false alarm.  They told her (and she told us) that the owner of the house heard some noises and thought someone was breaking into her house.  It's good to know that they responded so quickly.  But not so good to know that they didn't stop to question the two weirdos standing in front of our house.  I certainly would have questioned us if I had seen us.  

The rest of the day was pretty calm in comparison.  My patient, long-suffering husband made it the entire day without a nap and was completely exhausted by bedtime.  My foot felt a little better by the end of the evening - back down in the 7.5-8 range.  If I can get a decent amount of sleep tonight, I will go back to work tomorrow.  I think he is well enough to make it through the day alone.  As long as there aren't any more false alarms on our street.

8/20/14. The post where I am stern.

8/20/14: my patient, long-suffering husband woke up multiple times in the night but still slept pretty well and woke up feeling much better and full of energy.  I think he was in so much pain before the surgery that even recuperating from surgery felt better. 

It was difficult to keep him from doing too much.  Since he hadn't eaten all day yesterday, I offered to make anything he wanted for breakfast and he chose French toast. Not what I would have chosen after 24 hours with no food other than a few saltines, but to each his own.  He tried to help me make it and I had to be a little stern with him to get him to sit down, a common theme for the day.  (Stern is my term...he had a different word for it.)  Later in the morning I relented and let him sit at the computer to take care of some business.  He did fine, but tired out after awhile and went back to bed to rest.  

He drifted in and out of sleep much of the afternoon and I used the opportunity to get a few chores done.  He woke up just before dinner time with a hankering for steak and a baked potato, which I obliged.  He made it through a movie and a stand-up comedy special before back going to bed for the night.

I was very impressed with his progress.  He has pain from the surgery and some residual nerve pain, but all in all, I would say he is doing much better and I'm amazed at how quickly he is bouncing back from the surgery.  So quickly that I am concerned he'll overdo it if I am not there to be stern with him.  Now the pressure is on.  I tend to recover slowly from surgeries, but maybe my competitive nature will kick in this time and I will recover more quickly.  I do love a good competition.

Since he is doing so well, I'm planning to return to work tomorrow as scheduled, although I'd love to stay home for one more day.  I spent all day in the 7-8 range again and even the magic cream didn't help today.  I'm hoping for some serious improvement tomorrow.  I think I earned it.  Being stern all day is hard.

8/19/14. The post where we get through surgery #1.

8/19/14: we were awakened by an early morning phone call from the hospital with good news - the surgeon's first surgery cancelled and they wanted us to come in an hour early.  Don't mind if we do!

We got to the hospital and checked in.  Even with a cancellation, it was a long wait and they did not take my patient, long-suffering husband to the operating room until 1:00 pm.  The nurse said it would be two hours before I saw him again and suggested I get some lunch.  The hospital was very near the campus where I went to law school many years ago and I decided to check out a restaurant I used to frequent to see if it was still around.

Not only was it still around, it did not appear to have changed at all, with the possible exception of a new coat of paint on the walls.  I remembered it being a dive way back then and time had not made it any less so.  I started to wonder if eating there was a good idea.  (Apparently I was less picky all those years ago.)  I needn't have worried.  The food was as fresh and delicious as I remembered.  It was also a nice little distraction.  

I returned to the hospital and almost immediately got a call from the surgeon saying he was finished with the procedure and it was successful. Woo-hoo!  It was another hour before they took him to a post-op room and let me see him.  He was still pretty loopy from the anesthesia, but otherwise seemed to have come through it just fine.  We spent about two and a half more hours in the post-op room while he came out of the anesthesia, ate some crackers, and drank some water.  As soon as he checked off all the required activities for release, they let me take him home.

I poured him into bed and made a quick trip to the grocery store to pick up his prescription and a couple of other items requested by the patient.  He spent the much of the evening drifting in and out of sleep while I watched a baseball game, but managed to get on the phone and talk business with a colleague before I could stop him.  Because that's how he rolls.  It will be awhile before we know for sure if the surgery did the trick, but so far, all signs are good.

My foot did not cooperate at all today.  I started the morning at a 7 and spent the whole day in the 7-8 range.  I put on socks and sneakers this morning in anticipation of spending the day in sub-Arctic temperatures at the hospital, and that really sent my foot into a tirade.  When I got home this evening and took off my socks, all of my toes were beet red, except for one that was completely devoid of color.  That scared me a little, but it wasn't numb or tingly, and the color came back soon after I walked around for awhile in bare feet.  

I think my foot was acting like a petulant child, hoping for attention.  Well, guess what? It's not going to get any.  I don't intend to reward that kind of behavior.  I know that CRPS can be triggered by stress and I suppose it was a stressful day.  It could be much worse.  There are people with advanced cases that are triggered by loud noises or flashing lights.  One of the reasons it is so important to get it under control early.  We have surgery #1 under our belts.  Now I have two and a half weeks to help my patient, long-suffering husband recuperate so he can help me get through surgery #2.  In sickness and in health...

8/18/14. The post where we start the final countdown.

8/18/14: lots of REM sleep (which means lots of strange dreams) and not enough deep sleep (which means not enough body repair), so I woke up freaked out and hurting.  My foot had gotten worse after my post last night, up to about an 8, and I had to use the magic cream.  I started the morning at a 7, but no vertigo.  Three days in a row with no vertigo - I think I've licked it for real this time.

I had a very productive day at work and got caught up enough to cover my absence the next two days.  My patient, long-suffering husband also had a productive day, checking off his work to-do list and going for his pre-op paperwork and testing.  We went to our favorite local sushi place for dinner, probably our last dinner out for awhile.  We finished a few small chores and settled in for an early bedtime.  It's another magic cream night.  I'm hoping for more deep sleep tonight, which should translate into a happier foot tomorrow.

We report to the surgical center at 11 am.  Presuming they start the procedure at a reasonable time, it will be a day surgery and we can sleep in our own bed.  We're both a little giddy right now at the prospect of him feeling better.  Giddy enough to get us through the next few days, which will probably be rough.  Think good thoughts for us.  

8/17/14. The post where I give myself a pep talk.

8/17/14: had trouble getting to sleep last night and had to get up earlier than usual this morning, but I started the day at a 5.  I played A/V nerd at church again this morning and then we said goodbye to our house guest.  She's a really good kid and I'm as proud of her as a pretend parent can be.

It's a miracle my patient, long-suffering husband made it through church services this morning.  He is just about at a breaking point.  Not sure what we'd have done if his surgery hadn't been moved up, but it think it would have involved my Swiss Army knife, a bottle of whiskey, and a bullet for him to bite. We spent the afternoon working on advertising and other administrative chores for the upcoming season of his music series and I did some chores around the house to get things ready for his trip home from the hospital.

And then I hit a wall.  In its usual mysterious way, my foot suddenly turned red late this afternoon and the pain ramped up to a 7.5.  That's a level I can normally work through, but I just didn't have it in me today.  Too many days without enough sleep + both of us in serious pain = a bad attitude on my part.  I allowed myself a little self-pity time, and then I gave myself a pep talk.

I reminded myself about the light at the end of the tunnel.  I thought about all of our friends and family who have sent good wishes and made offers to help out while we are on the road to recovery.  I remembered my sweet mom, who is going through a much more difficult experience with the same optimism and determination she taught me to have.  I counted our many blessings.

It didn't change the color of my foot or the pain level, but it sure made me feel better.  We are so close to some relief.  It's like that chapter in a Dan Brown novel where your heart is racing because it looks like the bad guy is going to win and the hero is doomed, but then less than 20 pages later, all is resolved in a neat, tidy package and the hero is off on a tropical getaway with his new love.  Sometimes I just have to remind myself to keep reading.  

8/16/14. The post where we divide and conquer.

8/16/14: didn't sleep as well as I'd hoped and woke up at a 6 this morning.  It was a fairly lazy morning for both of us, but the evening seemed more like a work day.

This was one of those days where our careers interfered with our personal lives.  I had a retirement function to attend for a colleague in another city about two hours away and my patient, long-suffering husband was playing a fundraiser concert.  Normally each of us would have accompanied the other to these types of functions, but today we had to divide and conquer.

And conquer, we did.  Especially my patient, long-suffering husband.  He had a very successful and gratifying performance, despite being in pain.  My job was much easier - all I had to do was show up at my function and be reasonably pleasant.  I rode with a co-worker, so I didn't even have to drive.  There were a few times I was distracted enough by my foot that being reasonably pleasant was a chore, but I don't think anyone noticed.  

I am at a 7 tonight, but haven't had any vertigo all day.  Tomorrow is the last weekend day before my patient, long-suffering husband's surgery, so we will get the house convalescence-ready (is that really a term?) and finish up some chores that need to happen before the 2014 Parade of Surgeries.  I have a feeling the next month is going to be a blur.  Even more of a blur than usual.  

8/15/14. The post where the light at the end of the tunnel gets closer.

8/15/14: more vertigo this morning, but manageable.  Foot pain was also manageable - I'll call it a 5.  A slow walk, but a little longer this morning, and then it was on to work.

I got a call from my patient, long-suffering husband this afternoon with good news.  His surgery was moved up to Tuesday morning.  This means he just has to get through the equivalent of a long weekend.  It also means he will have a little more recovery time before my procedure, so it was good news for everyone.  

Despite our current medical woes, we had plans to go out for the evening.  A very close friend of mine invited us to a fundraising concert for a really worthy charity.  I briefly considered wearing a pair of unauthorized shoes for the event, but my foot was red and swollen and the pain level was up to a 7, so I went with the trusty flat sandals.  We had a very enjoyable time and the venue was close to my patient, long-suffering husband's parents' home, so we stopped by for a visit afterward.  An evening of sitting proved to be a bit much for him and he was in pretty bad shape by the time we got home.  He got into bed and approximately 47 seconds after telling me he didn't think he could sleep because of the pain, he was snoring.  Thank goodness.  Just three more days and we hope he will have some relief.  In the last week, his tunnel has gotten significantly shorter and the light has gotten much brighter.

So has mine.  I'm down to three weeks before my procedure and I think I can make it.  There are lots of things on the calendar to keep me busy between now and then and I'm sure the time will go quickly.   Tonight I am feeling the effects of a long day at work and an evening out, but a little sleep should cure it.  I think I'll try to take care of that now and see if I can beat my patient, long-suffering husband's record.  47...46...45...44...

8/14/14. The post where I have a fun evening.

8/14/14: slept through most of the night, even after my marathon sleep yesterday.  The vertigo was back this morning, but not as bad as yesterday, and I was at a 6.5.  I took a short stroll and went to work.  It was a big day at the office - the bi-monthly meeting of our governing board - so it was important that I be there, vertigo or not.  Fortunately, I did not have a presentation.  I just needed to listen and try not to fall out of my chair.  I must have looked like I was really paying attention, because I spent most of the day staring intently straight ahead.

By the end of the day, the vertigo was not quite as bad, but my foot was a bit worse.  We still had our teenage charge, and she and I decided to make dinner while my patient, long-suffering husband was at a rehearsal.  As the evening wore on, the meal became more and more elaborate and by the time he got home, we had put together a three-course extravaganza and planned a movie to watch.  I wasn't a pretend parent so much as a pretend aunt, which is much more my strong suit.  She and I had a great evening together, which took my mind off my foot.

Tomorrow will be a busy day, but at least it will be a Friday.  There won't be time to cook an elaborate meal, but no worries.  We still have about 20 pounds of leftover pasta from tonight's cooking frenzy.  I'm always happy to contribute to the culinary delinquency of a minor.  

8/13/14. The post where I get a double whammy.

8/13/14: slept fitfully and got up to take my walk. Remember a few days ago when I said my vertigo was gone?  I did speak too soon.  It was back the following morning.  And it was back with a vengeance this morning. 

That wasn't my only issue.  Recently, the pain in my foot has started to spread.  It used to be contained to my big toe, the ball of my foot, and the outside of my ankle.  Now it has spread to all my toes, the inside of my ankle, and up my lower leg.  The pain level isn't any worse, but it covers more real estate.  

Nevertheless, I tried to take a short, slow walk.  It was another unusually cool morning and I thought it might make me feel better.  It didn't.  Between the dizziness and the foot pain, I was having trouble thinking clearly, but I finally had the sense to cut the walk short and headed home.  Just before I got to the house, I turned my head to the side to look at something and nearly fell down. I guess going home was a good idea.  

I took my vertigo medication and slept most of the day.  I did manage to get up and go with my patient, long-suffering husband to his local surgeon appointment, where we got the good news that he could do the surgery here next Thursday.  Rather than a discectomy, he is going to do a foraminotomy.  To save you the trouble of looking it up, I'll just tell you it's a procedure where they remove some bone to widen the nerve passageway. It is less intrusive than a discectomy, with a shorter and easier recovery.  The surgeon feels confident this will free up the nerve and resolve the issue.  

I also slept most of the evening.  My medication has worn off and it appears the vertigo is gone, at least for today.  I will get up in the morning and try again.  I will also contact my doctor's office for a referral to a PT to try to resolve my vertigo, since it does not appear to be going away on its own this time. I've got a week to get myself in good enough shape to get my patient, long-suffering husband through his procedure.  Then it's his turn.

8/12/14. The post where we are pretend parents.

8/12/14: slept much better last night with my patient, long-suffering husband back home and felt better when I woke up.  Back down to a 5.  After the rain last night, it was much cooler this morning and I had a very enjoyable walk. So enjoyable that I walked much faster than I intended.  Maybe not such a good idea, in retrospect.  

My patient, long-suffering husband and I love to pretend.  Recently, we pretended to be pet owners, which was awesome.  This week, we are pretending to be parents to a teenager.  We have some friends who are out of town and their 17-year-old daughter is staying with us.  We've known her since she was a kid and she's stayed with us several times.  She is not your typical teenager - she is very friendly, she loves to cook, and she is really easy going.  Just the kind of teenager you want to have when you are a pretend parent.  

So far, our parental duties have included making dinner (which she helped us do) and sending her off to run some errands with her college-aged brother who is in town for the evening.  As she left, we told her to have a nice time and not to stay out too late.  Man, being a pretend parent is easy! 

Which is a good thing, because neither one of us was in any shape to handle serious parental duties.  My patient, long-suffering husband is hunkered down waiting for some surgical relief and I spent much of the evening at an 8.  Maybe it was the morning walk.  All I know is September 5 can't come fast enough.  

8/11/14. The post where we cobble together a plan and count our blessings.

8/11/14: didn't sleep enough last night, but the sleep I got was pretty good.  I got up at about a 5 and took my walk before work, then waited to hear from my patient, long-suffering husband.  His news?  The surgeon recommended a discectomy on two herniated discs to try to relieve pressure from the nerve.  Not a sure bet by any means, but the best option we've heard so far.  The surgeon offered to do it as soon as our health insurance company will authorize it, potentially as early as next week.  He and his dad returned home after the appointment and he was able to put in a little time at work in the afternoon.  In the meantime, his local surgeon was able to schedule an earlier appointment, so he'll get a second opinion (which technically is the first opinion, I guess, since it is the first one he scheduled) on Wednesday afternoon.  Either way, it looks like there is a possibility of a fairly quick resolution.  

We sat down (or more accurately, lay down) with a calendar to work out the details.  Presuming things go according to plan, or at least nearly according to plan, I can take care of him after his procedure and he should be recovered just in time to take care of me after my procedure.  Sheesh.  I hope this is not a preview of the rest of our lives.  At least we have each other.  And a good sense of humor.

Which reminds me of the news we heard this evening about the passing of Robin Williams.  (Spoiler alert: serious discussion ahead.)  It is almost incomprehensible for most of us to think that a person could bring joy to so many other people, yet be unable to find inner joy or peace.  As is the case with many people suffering from depression, it appears he had a support network of family and friends who loved him and doubtless tried to help him, but sometimes it isn't enough.  

Depression can be a secondary effect of chronic pain, which is one of the reasons doctors recommend that people with CRPS have the "safety plan" I talked about in a post earlier this year, and I have tried to be very alert to any potential signs in either myself or my patient, long-suffering husband (and more recently, my mom).  There are plenty of words I would use to describe our family's reactions to our various medical issues over the last year.  Stunned.  Confused.  Frustrated.  Overwhelmed.  Angry.  Determined.  Depressed is not a word that comes to mind, and for that I am grateful.  We're going to get through these issues and get back to our normal, crazy, beautiful lives.  

I'm up to a 7.5 tonight and my foot and ankle are swollen for the first time in awhile, probably because of the showers that came through unexpectedly this evening.   Looks like things are going to get complicated over the next few weeks.  Which means the time will go quickly, at least.  If the plan holds, it looks like my patient, long-suffering husband and I will be recovered from our procedures about the same time Mom finishes her last chemo treatment.  We apologize in advance for the noise, but it's going to be quite a celebration.  

8/10/14. The post where my patient, long-suffering husband looks for the light at the end of his tunnel.

8/10/14: another night of tossing and turning - 39 times.  I may have tried to explain this before, but there is a difference (at least to me) between pain level and irritation factor.  I wouldn't say I got over a 5 any time in the night or today.  But the 5 was more difficult to ignore than it is most of the time, like a piece of gravel in your shoe or a fly buzzing around your face.  I am back to being unable to sleep if anything is touching my foot, which explains the 39 tosses and turns, I guess.  

Church and chores this morning, and then helping my patient, long-suffering husband pack this afternoon. His surgeon is not available for two weeks, so he is off to his former hometown (three hours from here) with his dad for an appointment early tomorrow morning with a surgeon his parents recommended.  I know what you are all thinking.  Wasn't there another reasonable alternative in the area?  Probably.  But this is the opportunity that presented itself.  I know what it's like to be in constant pain and desperate for an answer, so I'm not going to judge.  I hope he gets an answer that will provide immediate relief.  But even if he doesn't, at least he'll know he didn't leave any stone unturned.

His trip left me with no date for a show we were going to attend tonight.  Fortunately, I have good friends who are always willing to stand in and I was able to get an extra ticket.  They invited me over for show-themed drinks beforehand and we had a great time, although I was sorry my patient, long-suffering husband had to miss it.  

One last bit of (good) news: I think my vertigo is gone!  I hate to speak too soon, but I only had a few episodes yesterday and I don't recall having any today.  Whew.  That's one malfunction down, just a few more to go.  Here's hoping we have a lot more good news this week.

8/9/14. The post where my cooking skills are better than my memory.

8/9/14: my foot was really irritated in the night, as confirmed by my health monitor sleep results, which indicated I tossed and turned 45 times in the night.  A new record - high fives, y'all!  I felt okay when I got up this morning, though, and got down to business.

Since it was my patient, long-suffering husband's birthday, I told him I would cook him whatever he wanted to eat today.  The morning started with blueberry muffins, which is not really unusual.  They are his favorite, so I make them fairly regularly on Saturdays.  I spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon doing chores around the house.  He took a long birthday nap and slept right through lunch, so I was off the hook for that meal.  

He woke up from his nap declaring he would like spaghetti for dinner and cherry pie for dessert.  He must have had some kind of strange dream.  Sounds like the kind of meal I would order at Luby's when I was a kid.  (Except that I would also order mashed potatoes and a roll, to complete the carb extravaganza.)  He had to spend some time at church this afternoon taking care of preparations for services tomorrow, so I took the opportunity to go to the grocery store.  

While I was there, I looked for a birthday card.  I found two cards I liked - one that was sweet and sentimental and one that was funny and appropriate to our current medical situation.  I couldn't decide, so I bought them both.  I had a very pleasant conversation with the checker and took my groceries home to start cooking.  

When I got home, I decided I'd better wrap his gift before he got home. After wrapping it, I went back to the kitchen to choose one of the cards.  I dug through all the grocery bags.  No cards!  Suddenly I recalled that while I was talking to the friendly checker, he put the cards on the counter so they wouldn't get soiled by the groceries.  I must have left them there.  Well, great.  I thought about going back to get them.  It was over 100 degrees outside, not to mention the fact that I still had spaghetti sauce and a pie to make.  I decided he'd rather have a cherry pie than a birthday card.

Frustrated with myself, I turned my attention to cooking.  I made the pie crust and started on the sauce  while the crust chilled in the fridge.   Suddenly, my purse began to ring and I realized I hadn't gotten out my phone when I got home.  I reached in to get it and found...the birthday cards!  While I was relieved that I hadn't left them at the store after all, I was disappointed in myself for not remembering that I had picked them up and put them in my purse.  I guess if I had to forget something, that was the better choice.  Boy am I glad I didn't go all the way back to the store, which would have been really embarrassing and potentially could have ended with me being detained by some overzealous security guard if someone saw the cards in my purse.  Which is much funnier on TV than in real life.  

My cooking adventures were much more successful than my card purchase debacle.  While it wasn't the same as going out to a fancy restaurant with family, everything turned out well.  And I let him eat dinner in his pajamas while sitting in his comfy chair watching TV.  I don't know too many fancy restaurants where you can do that.

I spent most of the day at a 5, but have inched up toward 7 this evening.  I'm hoping a better night of sleep tonight will help.  And in case any of you are wondering, I went with the funny card.  I'll save the sweet, sentimental card for next year, when we are both in perfect health.  Presuming I can keep up with it until then.  A girl can dream, can't she?

8/8/14. The post where I talk about the light at the end of the tunnel.

8/8/14: I thought I would have time to post during my trip, but I was mistaken.  On Wednesday, I spent most of the day in a work-related meeting with people who live in an entirely different world than I do.  They spent much of the time talking about fancy, important people they knew (which was actually relevant to the meeting, by the way) while I sat quietly, trying not to look dumbfounded.  I have never seen "Downton Abbey", but I felt a little like one of the servants who had been invited unexpectedly to attend a party given by one of the nobles.  I think I managed to get through the meeting without doing anything embarrassing, so I'd call it a success.  

On Thursday, my niece and I had a "movie day" with Mom.  It served the dual purpose of exposing my college-aged niece to some older movies we knew she would enjoy and keeping Mom occupied on the most annoying day of her chemotherapy regimen, the only full day and night she is attached to the pump.  We had a really fun time together and the day went very quickly.  More family members came over in the evening after work and we fixed a simple dinner.  

Today, we took Mom in to have the pump removed, which is the best day of her chemotherapy regimen.  Afterward, we had a celebratory lunch and then I was back on the road.  Mom is in the home stretch, with eight treatments down and only four to go, so while she is feeling pretty puny right now, she can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  

I felt pretty good the whole time I was there.  I didn't have any really bad episodes and I stayed in the 3-6 range for the entire trip. I was even able to get in a couple of morning walks.  That was probably my last trip before my implant surgery (and for several weeks after the surgery as well).  Even though I have had a pretty good week, I am very anxious to get the stimulator going and get this whole thing behind me (at least for awhile) because I can also see the light at the end of the tunnel.

My patient, long-suffering husband hasn't been as fortunate.  His back pain is getting worse despite increasing doses of medication and physical therapy.   He is seeing a surgeon next week to determine if there are any other options that might provide faster relief.  There is no light at the end of his tunnel yet, but he's plowing full-speed ahead in the dark, hoping he'll find the light just around the next bend.  

Tomorrow is his birthday.  We had intended to go out with family to celebrate, but he decided the best birthday gift to himself would be a restful day and evening at home after too many long days in a row of working in pain.  (As my special birthday gift to him, I may turn off his cell phone and hide it.  So don't be surprised if you call or text birthday greetings and don't get an immediate response.)  

On our recent vacation, we drove through a lot of tunnels, some of which were so long we thought they might never end.  But without fail, they always ended and we were back out in the beautiful world.  We're hoping the trend continues...

8/5/14. A quick post to say goodnight to all.

8/5/14: very busy day today.  Full day at work and then a three-hour drive to my parents' home.  By coincidence, I have a work meeting scheduled nearby and then I will stay in town Thursday and Friday for Mom's chemotherapy treatment.  (Treatment #8, for those keeping score at home.)

Fortunately, my foot behaved pretty well today and stayed in the 3-5 range all day.  And traffic on the drive to my parents' place was the best it's been all year, with just one construction slow down.  I'll have time for a longer post tomorrow, but for tonight I'd better get a little sleep so I'm ready for my meeting.  Sweet dreams, y'all.

8/4/14. The post where it comes to my attention that I am a mess.

8/4/14:  slept fairly well last night and woke up at about a 4.  I did my slow walk, but did one additional lap today to get back to my normal distance.  It was a pretty decent work day, at least for a Monday, and I ended the evening at a 6.  

Remember when the antibiotics I was taking during my stimulator trial made me dizzy and light-headed and the doctor told me to quit taking them?  Well, I did quit taking them, but the dizziness didn't go away.  And didn't go away.  And didn't go away.  I went to the doctor Friday morning.  After some blood tests to ensure there were no metabolic issues, he diagnosed me with vertigo.  This was not exactly a surprise, as I have had periodic bouts for many years.  It's not as glamorous (or as scary) as you'd think from watching the Alfred Hitchcock movie.  

Here's a little medical info for those who have a burning desire to know more about vertigo.  http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/vertigo/basics/definition/con-20028216. Here's the Cliff's Notes version for the rest of you: there are crystals in your inner ear that monitor movement. If the crystals become dislodged, they can move into your ear canal and make you a lot more sensitive to motion.  In most cases, they eventually return to your inner ear on their own and if not, there is a maneuver that can be done by a physical therapist to encourage them.  I've never had to go that route - in my case, it has always gone away on its own.  Until it does, I am taking medication for the dizziness, although it makes me drowsy so I only take it at night.

But dizziness is not why I went to the doctor on Friday.  I went for the bump on my head.  For as long as I can remember (notice a theme emerging?), I've had a very small cyst on the side of my head.  Nothing noticeable or of medical concern, so my doctor told me long ago that it did not need attention.  But over the last month it has started growing and become tender when touched.  When it rains, it pours.  When my doctor examined it, he said it was red and appeared to be infected, or at least irritated.  So in addition to the prescription for vertigo, I have an antibiotic prescription (which I will finish this time) and a referral to a dermatologist.  The good news is that I had all kinds of blood tests and the results looked great, so none of these things are serious.  Just annoying.  

If you're looking for me, I should be easy to find.  I'll be the one with the ghastly bump on the side of my head, limping and lurching from side to side.  Somehow, I doubt Kim Novak will be playing me in a movie anytime soon.  

More like Boris Karloff.

8/3/14. The post where I make up for my lazy Saturday.

8/3/14:  got up earlier than usual this morning so I could run the slide show at the early service at church for a friend who is on vacation.  That makes me the adult equivalent of the nerd who ran the projector when they showed films in science class.  Just another day in my glamorous life.

Speaking of glamor, other than a family lunch after church, I spent the day doing the chores I didn't do yesterday.  Laundry, dishes, cleaning out the pantry, sorting mail, grocery shopping - if it is a boring chore, I did it.  I did make an interesting dinner, which was the highlight of the day.  (A common theme in my life.  Food is almost always the highlight of my day.)  I was glad to have everything done so I was ready for the week ahead, but my foot was not so cheery.  I spent the first half of the day around 5-6, but ramped up to about a 7.5 by evening's end.  Time for the magic cream, which calmed things back down a little.  

I dreamed last night that I was trying to ride one of my bikes with two flat tires, which didn't go so well, as you can probably imagine.  I'm sure my bikes will need more than air in the tires when I finally start riding again.  By my calculations, I should be good to get back in the saddle by the beginning of November.  (Other than a handful of short rides on a trainer, I haven't ridden since last July.  I hope the old adage is true and I haven't forgotten how to ride.)  During the time I've been off the bike, my dad and brother have started riding, so now I have even more incentive to get back to it.  In the meantime, I'll have to settle for slow walks.  But maybe it's time to start checking the air in my bike tires.  

8/2/14. The post where we have a cool front.

8/2/14:  my patient, long-suffering husband did not wake up in the middle of the night howling in pain, so it must have been a good night.  We had a fairly lazy morning and my niece and I went out for breakfast tacos before she moved on to her next destination.  Then I went for a much-needed manicure/pedicure.  (On my hands - "Are We There Yet?" from the OPI Touring collection.  On my feet - "Azure Wish" by Vinylux.)

Today was a strange day to describe with regard to my foot.  While my pain level never went above about a 6.5 and my foot did not change colors, it seemed more irritating than usual and I had trouble blocking it out.  My patient, long-suffering husband spent most of his day working on the sound system project at church and I had lots of chores to do.  But an unusual "cool front" came through and the high was only about 90.  So instead of chores, I spent the afternoon sitting on the deck, watching the city and listening to music while drinking cold beverages.  It was either awesome or pathetic.  I'm going to go with awesome.  

My patient, long-suffering husband finally finished the project - at least for the time being - and we celebrated with sushi.  Guess we'll have to catch up on those chores tomorrow.  But the weather is supposed to be nice again.  Maybe they can wait another day.  I hear the deck calling.  

8/1/14. The post where I realize my niece became an adult while I wasn't watching.

8/1/14: it was a rough night, but not because of my foot.  My patient, long-suffering husband is having some serious back issues and woke up in the middle of the night in severe pain.  We seem to be in a race to see who can fall apart first.  And it's a race neither of us wants to win.

I did another short walk before work and then had a quiet day in the office.  I left a little early to go home and meet my niece, who came in town to visit for the weekend.  She is home from college and decided to drive down to see us and some other friends and family who live nearby.  I see her relatively often for family gatherings, but this is the first time we've gotten to spend a significant amount of time alone together in a long time.  It was a wonderful evening.

I'm sure this is a sign that I am getting old, but it seems like just yesterday I was holding her for the first time.  Then suddenly she was a precocious pre-schooler, singing her "program" for anyone who would listen.  I blinked and she was in junior high, starring in her school musicals.  A few minutes later I was listening to her valedictorian speech and graduation solo.  This evening we are sitting in my living room drinking wine while she gives me details about her adventures in college and her recent symposium in Italy.  Time flies.

My foot felt pretty bad tonight, but I didn't have time for that.  I wanted to concentrate all my effort on remembering our time together tonight, because I know it will pass way too quickly.  The next thing I know, I will be visiting her in Europe to hear her latest performance.  This is one of the reasons I need to get the stimulator implanted and get on with my life.  My patient, long-suffering husband and I have seven nieces and nephews between us and they range in age from 19 years to five months.  That means a lot of musicals, baseball games, and school competitions to attend.  I'd better get some rest...